What’s Under The Behaviour?

It starts when they are babies doesn’t it? “What’s wrong?”, “Why are they crying”, “I’m not sure why they are doing that”. And it continues as they grow but it seems to get more complex.

When they are babies however, the need is usually a physical one: food, clothing, change of clothing, warmth, cool, noise, too much noise, sleep the list goes on. Or when all else fails it’s the searching for lost of cuddles and skin on skin connection.

But as my kids have grown up, don’t know if you feel it, meeting their physical needs becomes easier, because they can verbalise them. “Muuummm, I’m hungry” or “Muuuum there’s nothing in the pantry and I don’t feel like fruit” (I’m hoping It’s not just at my place, but meeting their emotional needs seems to creep up and become significantly more complex. It’s the way we evolve as humans. It’s what makes us a unique species. But this rationalisation does not always help when during an angry outburst and once your frustration passes you are left wondering what is going on.

Unlike when they were babies when the solutions to the tears was usually easier to diagnose and ‘fix’, the emotional outbursts and the behaviour that accompanies it from our pre-adolescent girls, are usually the outward expression of other inward issues.

Think of it this way. Have you ever had one of those days at work when you’ve held it together and had your professional face on in the office, only to arrive home and go off the handle at your partner, when they have barely even said ‘Hello’. After the outburst, once you’ve vented and had time to reflect, you might be able to see that the outburst had nothing at all to do with your partner and whatever insignificant thing it was that triggered the reaction but it was actually all about the underlying at issues at work that had you fuming all day on the inside.

Well, our kids are no different. Usually, the outward behaviour is the outlet for what’s going on, on the inside.

And what I have noticed in working with preadolescent or tween girls when they are having difficulty regulating their emotions at school (or at home), is the undercurrent of thinking and stories she is telling herself is that she is not good enough. And you might recognise that under the anger she is jealous, disappointed, scared or insert any other big, uncomfortable emotion here, but if she was able to articulate the real issue, the one that would surface after lots of ‘But why…’ questioning, it would bubble up to “I’m not __________ enough”.

I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not enough.

Heartbreaking hey. Because you know she has the greatest gifts on the inside just waiting to be shared with those lucky enough to meet her.

So how do you help?

You help her recognise the negative stories and self-talk that are going on in her head. You help her understand her emotions. You teach her to recognise how her bodies reacts when she is feeling different things. You give her messages about her strengths. You encourage her to take risks. You unpack what courage is, what it means and help her understand that it’s not always comfortable being courageous.

And therefore, I created Powerful Me. Because our girls can begin to develop this awareness now. When they are younger, giving them time to practice the skills and understand their worthiness right from the get-go. She doesn’t need to wait until she’s 42 with a heap of poor decisions under her belt because she didn’t learn how to manage her emotions and powerful self-early.

How empowering. To know that she is worthy of joy, love, friendship, respect an abundance from an early age.

It’s why Powerful Me is called Powerful Me. Because she is powerful, in all the right ways, when she realizes she is worthy.

Powerful Me is launching soon, get notified here. And thank you Brene Brown for the most beautiful quote EVER.

Bec xx


Worthiness, Brene Brown


Why Being Active Matters

A childhood in the 80’s, or at least my childhood in the 80’s was active. And not with an after school schedule jam packed with organised sport each day of the week but it was full of imaginative play, outdoor fun with friends and the type of ‘create your own fun’ that I find myself having to really encourage with my three children.

The benefits of the unstructured and physical play that was so common in my era have been lost, and in my experience as a PE and Health teacher, it’s obvious. Kids come to school without having developed the foundations for key fundamental movement skills that are required for successful physical participation in activities. And I’m not talking competitive sport. I mean the type of everyday activities that open up avenues for connecting to peers and experiencing new things.

The fundamental movements of catching, kicking, jumping, throwing, hitting, leaping, dodging and striking form the basis of all organised sports and are the building blocks for the activities we encounter in daily life. Not having these building blocks in place, prevents kids from accessing experiences that require the ability to move and be free in the movement. Free of self doubt and limiting thoughts and free of physical limitation that prevents participation.

When we are active not only do we open and expand energy pathways but we allow ourselves to experience a fuller expression of our being. We give ourselves the opportunity to push limits, take non-life-threatening risks and fully understand the capabilities of our physical body. By missing these opportunities our kids miss big teachings about themselves. Not to mention all the other benefits such as the physiological gains, the connections between left and right hemispheres of the brain when kids are active and crossing their mid line plus the mental health benefits.

I totally appreciate that for some children, being active and playing sport is just not their thing. And that is fine. But for long term health and participation in life, all children need encouragement to develop some fundamental skills and strength.

So where to start?

  • Have balls of different sizes and texture available for playing with in the backyard.
  • Practice jumping with hopscotch, skipping ropes, hoops or elastics.
  • Grab the chalk and draw some handball courts or hopscotch in the back yard or the front driveway (if your street is safe of course).
  • Go walking. Take the dog for a walk and get outside! Maybe your child prefers to scoot next to you.
  • Take your walk on different terrain. Give those sandhills a go the varying surface gives other benefits.
  • If your child has difficulty with hand/eye coordination use balloons to bat and catch. The slow speed of movement allows longer tracking time.
  • Totem tennis is a handy backyard game that doesn’t take up a huge amount of space.
  • Invest the time teaching your child how to ride a bike.
  • Encourage an organised sport for the socialisation and team ethic.
  • Encourage participation in sports days and carnivals at school even though they may feel a bit nervous or unsure. Reassure and encourage, it’s part of the learning.
  • Have fun being a role model.
  • Keep an eye on Girl Empowered, more active resources coming. Take a look at the Five Active Alternatives cheat sheet.

Go enjoy, Bec xx

The Grey Space

So, you’ve got to a point where you have this parenting thing mostly figured out.

She’s going well at school and her social group is stable. Maybe she has had a few ups and downs settling into school, but you figure it can only be up from here, right? She’s becoming more independent and both you and her are excited for the middle years of primary school.

Just a heads up. Things might be about to get bumpy! You’re hitting the tween landscape. It’s a bit of a grey space.

There are many reasons that the tween years are like the dark side and we could analyse it using different theories of psychology which all differ and vary.

There was Piaget who recognised that from age seven children encounter a major turning point in a cognitive development. It marks the beginning of logical, or as Piaget called it, Operational Thought. Operational thought means the child can work things out in their head rather than having to physically experience them.

So in effect, you may have a daughter who is still very much viewing the social dynamics in her world through a pre-operational lens (not reading ‘abstract’ social cues or relationship changes) yet her friends have moved into the operational stage. 

Using this theory, we can assume there will be some girls, who are oblivious to the changes until they happen. Until they are left out or the ‘rules’ of how the group work are no longer the same. Then there will be the girls who ARE the change. Who hit their lessons or developmental stages before others and are reading abstract cues early and reacting accordingly.

And all are perfectly imperfect.

So the good news?

Well Vygotsky and his Social Development Theory stressed the fundamental role of social interaction. He believed strongly that community plays a central role in the process of making meaning. In other words, we need social interaction to make meaning of the world and develop higher psychological functions. So, we need to experience a range of social interactions which produce a range of emotions, which may be described as positive or negative, to learn about ourselves and others in order to become capable of deeper thinking.

​​​Or maybe, from a more philosophical or spiritual perspective we can just accept that our daughters (and ourselves) will move through our life lessons as they unfold. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. And the lessons are gifts to help us move further towards being the shiny bright gems that we are meant to be.

Regardless of what resonates with you, you can begin to see and maybe accept that the turbulence you have hit (or maybe it is still coming) is totally normal. There is, or will be, a changing  dynamic in your daughters social group and the way she perceives her outer world.

But we can use these differences and social challenges to begin to teach our girls about changing relationships and how to manage emotions and behaviours to keep their interactions with peers helpful not harmful.
The Grey Space
The natural tendency of the human condition is to try to understand life and control it. And here is where it gets interesting. Naturally there are a variety of ways that young people (and grown ups for that matter) try to deal with various social scenarios and feelings. And, there are a wide variety of socially helpful and socially harmful strategies that girls utilise to regain some sense of control in their social circle.
So regardless of where you and your daughter are, it’s a huge opportunity for growth when girls are mentored to navigate these changes and learn to trust themselves to confidently grow through it.

Bec x​​​​​​​

Who is Girl Empowered?

Hi I’m Bec.


Life long learner.

Mum of three.

Wife of one.

Lover of fit.

Creator of Girl Empowered.

And Girl Empowered is like a new baby. In the very first stages of it’s life and like an excited new mother I am fizzing with the excitement of all that Girl Empowered has the potential to offer, yet daunted at the new life I have created. Not really knowing which direction it will take me but trusting that what Girl Empowered creates is not only relevant to mothers and parents everywhere but more importantly relevant and empowering for your daughter.

People ask me “Why girls?” I say “Why not?”

They ask ‘Why empowered?” I say, “Because they should be”.

And the line, “What about boys?” My answer: Yep, I have two and am married to one. Of course they are important. And don’t we want our boys connecting with strong, assured girls and women who operate from a place of self acceptance and confidence. That stand confidently in their gifts and gratefully acknowledge their shadows. That know who they are so they can truly know your sons.

Wow, that was deep for a bit….it’s how Girl Empowered rolls. Full of fun, joy, lightness and movement but also reflective, thoughtful and soul led.

It’s where sensible school meets heart led self development.

See, here you will find sensible content backed by research. You will also find sensible content backed by experience and a passionate belief that every girl/woman I have ever worked with has something important to share.

Finding it and giving themselves the permission to share it is another thing. Nurturing and loving it can be a challenge. And stepping up with courage takes practice.

Girl Empowered is about nurturing the whole of our tweens: The Emotional. The Physical. The Soulful.

Love to have you here.

Bec xx