Does this sound familiar? Your daughter seems to come home with a thundercloud face often from school, sounding off a list of things that didn’t go her way or maybe she simply won’t discuss it with you.
She continues to storm around the house or maybe hides away, playing small in her room or watching TV or curled up in a book avoiding conversation.
Later, as time passes she begins to open up to you. You discover she was upset that she wasn’t picked to be the leader of the fitness game, her friends didn’t want to play her games at lunch and in Art when they were able to choose their own seating arrangement she didn’t get to sit where she wanted.
As you listen, you find yourself thinking, “Just get over it, none of this is a big deal.”
But the thing is, for some of our girls, these issues are big deals to her. And it takes resilience to bounce back from disapointments, no matter how big or how small.
Know this, you’re not alone. It’s common. Common for tweens to need to develop their resilience.
So what is resilience? Quite simply it’s the ability to cope with unexpected changes and challenges in our lives.
So how do you develop it? You build it over time and as parents we can do a few things to help give it a boost:
>>> Identify her strengths and give her opportunities to develop them. Talk about them.
>>> Encourage positive friendships. Keep your finger on her friendship pulse, identify the positive ones (for her, not you) and help her build the friendships.
>>> Work on problem solving skills and strategies for alternative ways of looking at ‘problems’
>>> Practice gratitude and finding small things each day to be grateful for.